It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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