Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
