shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
