matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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