i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
