do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we're making bets on your personal life
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
