Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was like eating out sand paper
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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