Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
