is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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