There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
