I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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