Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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