dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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