Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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