My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
