Me too!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize