Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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