just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
