I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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