I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
