3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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