And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
