The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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