Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
