My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
