I wish I could teleport
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
