A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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