What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
