I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
