im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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