1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
