If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
