I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
