so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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