Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
