I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
