tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
