I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
