How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
