I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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