I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
