It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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