I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
