So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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