just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
