i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
