You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
