I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize