So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
