saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
