that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
