I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
