I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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