Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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