i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
