____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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