I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
