everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is wine microwaveable?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
