You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
