Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
