After last night, I could never be a politician.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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