My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need a beard to bite.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
