I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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