i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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