I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
