you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
